As I pulled the door closed behind me, my brow furrowed into canyons of confusion. I was leaving my senior managers’ office, over fifteen years ago. Ten minutes of solid praise that had me standing taller and glowing, right until the moment he asked me to do the impossible:
“Don’t Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve”
I nodded as if I understood and left quietly. For years I had buttoned my lip, silenced my raucous laughter, sung more quietly in the corridors, because I had noticed the glares and looks of disdain that I seemed to create without even trying, particularly those from those I wanted to impress. As a female engineer I was not unicorn-rare, but I quickly learnt that it can harm your career if you draw too much attention for the wrong things. Like having emotions.
Asking me not to wear my heart on my sleeve was like asking me to wear my nose backwards. I didn’t (and still don’t) know how. As much as I had tried turning down the volume on my emotions and leaving them at home, they kept following me everywhere. Because here is my dirty secret – I am a Highly Sensitive Person*.
Don’t Be So Sensitive
We are a tissue-carrying minority in the workplace – a group of around 15-20% of the population* who are acutely sensitive to stimuli. And it’s not all women, oh no. The genetic trait is split half and half between women and men*. It’s like our volume button is turned up high. Things that other people find acceptable, like noisy offices can overwhelm us, causing stress and making us perform badly. Busy conferences, gruesome health and safety talks (I nearly fainted), speaking in front of an audience – these are all things that without the right support and understanding from our leaders and managers, can tip us over the edge, whilst those who do not understand tut and tell us we’re too “soft”.
We are soft. Not too soft, but soft nonetheless. Get over it.
Who Is the HSP In Your Team?
The chances are that someone you work with is an HSP. They might seem shy, unsociable (for those nights out with their work colleagues at the end of a long day are the exact opposite of what they need), standoff-ish even, because they have to protect themselves from being over stimulated. They may prefer working on their own in a quiet location than in the middle of a busy open-plan office. Unless leaders and managers understand the in-born trait of being an HSP, more of us will be asked to do the impossible and made to feel unwelcome in your organisation.
I Am Me
My emotions are a hugely valuable part of who I am. They fuel my speaking and my writing. I am acutely responsive to the subtle meanings, to tone, to volume and more in the words I read and hear, as I coach my clients to speak and write using words that really connect with their audience emotionally. Because I am more sensitive to my emotions. They help to guide my creativity and intuition, to come up with new ideas, new ways of doing things. They help me to be organised (for clutter is a source of overwhelm), to be on-time (for being late stresses me out), to prepare thoroughly for the presentations that I give (because that helps cope with the nerves). But in order for me to bring those valuable things into a workplace, you have to welcome the tears and my other needs too. You cannot just cherry-pick the bits of me that you want to turn up in your workplace, for I am either all of those things, or none. So I might need a box of tissues on my desk. So I might need to hide in a cupboard over lunch as I calm my energies down. So what?
Highly Sensitive People Are Needed More Than Ever
Isn’t time that UK Ltd understood that Highly Sensitive People bring incredible gifts into the workplace? They build teams that work together more harmoniously, they motivate staff, they breed passion and integrity, they ensure that teams avoid burnout, they invent new systems and products, they create compelling marketing campaigns, they help us understand our customers and how to provide excellent service… They enrich our businesses, providing we give them the space and understanding to truly be themselves. Where are they in your business? Are they welcomed and understood?
I left my job as a chemical engineer, despite being valued for my organisational skills, my creativity, my ability to get work done because I felt both misunderstood and unwelcome. I felt that the workplace was trying to fit me in a square hole and it chaffed, making me even less comfortable and more overwhelmed. At the time I didn’t know I was an HSP, and neither I suspect did my bosses. In fact I bet they had never heard of the term HSP.
Understanding the people we work with is paramount if we are to embrace and encourage them to bring their whole selves to work. All their ideas, their ingenuity, their passion and more, rather than leaving it at the front door.
Your mission, if you chose to accept it, is to get to know the HSP trait, so you can better recognise, understand, lead and support those in your team who are HSP. You might also be able to educate them about why they are the way they are, in a way that will change their life. Educate yourself, so that you can get the very best out of all the people in your team. Welcome HSPs, give them space and they will thrive, as will UK Ltd.
*All facts from the excellent book “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine Aron (who also coined the term HSP). The moment I read that book, my life, my tendency to cry at the drop of a hat, my need to find peace and solitude all made sense. You can read more on her website.
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